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by budgie



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/F, Spoilers, domestic life, irregular updates, post-ME3, slight AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-25
Updated: 2012-09-08
Packaged: 2017-11-08 13:06:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/443500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/budgie/pseuds/budgie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard and Liara try to adjust to a non-military life on Earth after the reaper invasion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Conveniently ignoring the synthesis/control/destroy ending, whoo! It’s got the “let’s kill the reapers!” bit from destroy and the “EDI and the geth survive!” bits from synthesis.

By the time Liara gets home from work, Shepard is already in bed. She had only been asleep for around twenty minutes when she woke, hearing the shower being turned on in the next room. Having a separate room for the shower is something she still isn’t quite used to. There are a lot of things she isn’t used to. 

The mattress depresses as the asari gets into bed and Shepard rolls onto her side to face her.

“How was work?” Her voice is still half asleep and she winces from the light Liara has turned on.

Liara turns off the lamp on the bedside table and lies down, blue eyes watching Shepard. “Earth is such a strange place. The humans don’t seem to be taking kindly to me.”

“Still?” Now Shepard is awake. The fact that there are still xenophobes on Earth doesn’t surprise her, but she had thought that Liara’s role in saving the damn galaxy would have been worth something.

“No one says anything to my face, of course. It’s nothing I can’t handle.” She closes her eyes and rests against the pillow. “How was your day?”

“It was ...” Boring, mundane, stifling, idiotic. “Fine. I’ve never really had free time before.” Moronic. She had nothing to do. There was no excitement. How did people live like this? She had tried to watch the television but as soon as anything violent had come onscreen she had wanted to be sick. Even if she wasn’t watching anything like that, there were constant commercials for shows -- some were even about her -- and news reports. 

“Did you do the washing again?”

She had used too much powder, the whole bed stinks of the stuff. Shepard nods. She doesn’t like doing laundry but it’s at least something she knows how to do. She did have to look it up on the extranet but it wasn’t hard to pick up, and it can take all day if she washes everything in the house.

The Alliance had granted her quite a few privileges when she was forced to retire, premium extranet access being one of them. She never had to pay for anything, either, as she’d been given a bank account and a house.

She’d never had a house. She’d lived in old, run-down buildings, underground tunnels, anything anyone could think of when she was a child. She’d only joined the Alliance to get out of the gangs. It was a life of constant movement, fight and uncertainty and she realises only now why she felt so at home aboard the Normandy.

“Shepard?”

Shaking her head, she remembers where she is. “What?”

“Never mind.” Liara sighs and rolls onto her back.

Shepard moves closer to her, draping an arm over Liara’s waist. “I’m sorry they’re treating you this way.”

“It’s fine, Shepard. The museum is an ... interesting place to work.” Her eyes are sad as she watches the stars through the skylight on the ceiling. “I don’t mind it.” She places a hand on Shepard’s arm.

“It won’t be forever,” Shepard says. She wonders what she means, what is the ‘it’? Liara’s job, their situation, peace?

“Maybe.”

Liara falls asleep soon after and Shepard watches the stars and wonders how everyone else is doing. No one except Joker is on Earth, as far as she knows, and he’s on another continent. Vega has flown through but they didn’t get a chance to see one another. Garrus is helping Palaven get back on its feet, Tali is helping Rannoch find its feet, the krogan are all too busy with each other to notice anything. It’s discomforting to know that she can’t just fly through a Mass Relay and stop off at a planet. She can’t go down to the main battery to see Garrus, there are no more conversations with EDI in the cockpit.

Taking care not to disturb Liara, she slips out of the bed and wanders into the kitchen. She makes herself some coffee and sits at the table where she left her datapad open hours earlier. It’s still open on the main asari news site. She can handle reading the news because she knows what’s going to happen; television is not predictable.

Thessia is taking even longer than expected to rebuild. So much of the infrastructure is gone and there are trials for those who helped cover up the prothean beacon that are causing legal problems with the cleaning up of the asari homeworld.

Shepard knows Liara is torn between Earth and Thessia. If it were the other way around, Shepard doesn’t know what she would do. Earth is badly damaged, but it’s nothing compared to what Thessia had to endure.

And she could have done something. Somehow. Replaying her choices over and over in her head, she can’t think of anything, but there must have been a way.

She takes a sip of her coffee and it burns her tongue. The house is cold and there are goosebumps appearing on her arms, her feet are freezing on the tiled floor but she makes no move for a blanket. Running a hand through her short hair, she closes her eyes and tries to let her mind go blank but all she can see is Thessia in ruins because she didn’t save it in time.

“You have to stop wearing nothing to bed,” Liara says, appearing at the entrance to the kitchen holding a jacket. She drapes it over Shepard’s shoulders and sits opposite her. “I woke up and you weren’t there.”

“A singlet and underwear isn’t nothing,” Shepard says. “And I seem to remember you not minding this. Something about easy access.”

Liara smiles. “I don’t remember saying anything of the sort. Do you think you’ll sleep tonight?”

Shepard shakes her head. She can barely remember the last time she had a good sleep that wasn’t induced by drugs the hospital had given her after London. “You go back to bed, Liara. I’ll be okay.”

“Are you--”

“I’ll be fine.”

They kiss goodnight and soon, Shepard is alone again. Pulling the jacket closer to her, she drinks more coffee and checks her email. There are always a lot of messages but she replies to very little of them. Even some that she wants to reply to, she can’t.

Eventually, she turns on the television and finds a vid about the first manned voyage to Mars. The graphics are terrible but the narrator's voice is soothing and after much too long, Shepard eventually drifts off into a broken sleep.

The morning is crisp when the sun rises and soon Liara follows. She finds Shepard lying on the couch, curled up into a ball. Draping a blanket over her, she kisses her forehead and leaves to go to work.


	2. Chapter 2

There’s the sound of keys in the door as Shepard is startled awake from her nap. The keys are not loud but she wakes at the slightest disturbances, now. She sits and when the door opens to reveal Liara, Shepard raises an eyebrow. Liara walks through the front door, struggling with a cardboard box. Shepard hasn’t seen cardboard since ... she can’t remember when. 

“Bring a science experiment home?”

Liara smiles at her. “You know I’m not that kind of scientist.”

“Who knows what you’re learning at the museum.” Shepard gets up off the couch to kiss her bondmate. As she does so, Liara fumbles a little with the box.

“What’s in there?”

“Someone suggested that animal companionship might help you until ... Well, everyone agreed. Except for Helen, but that was not unexpected.”

Liara sets the box down on the ground and she and Shepard kneel next to it.

There’s something alive in that box. Shepard doesn’t want to know what it is. She forgot to feed her hamster and it died and the only reason her fish survived is because of the automatic feeder she had installed. That, and Samantha would clean the tank. They weren’t really Shepard’s fish, just pretty things to look at.

She doesn’t know how to take care of things. Her hands are scarred, calloused. She can barely take care of herself; the last few months have proven that. She’s lost so much weight since the reaper invasion, and she wasn’t exactly bulky then. Liara has to remind her to shower and even so, Shepard rarely remembers to wash her hair.

Still, she tries to look pleased when Liara opens the box. Revealed is a tiny, grey kitten with huge eyes.

‘Oh.’

Liara is watching Shepard intently, leaning forward, biting her own lip.

Shepard looks at her. ‘What’s its name?’ 

She’ll break it somehow if she touches it, she’s sure. It’s so small. As Liara reaches in to pick it up, Shepard holds her breath. The kitten wriggles around in Liara’s lap as she holds it there, firm but gentle as it tries to escape her.

“He doesn’t have a name, yet. I thought you might want to name him.”

She can’t be left alone with this creature. If she is, she’ll kill it. She inhales. The whole kitten can almost fit inside her hand. What if she steps on it?

She inhales again. Her chest feels tight.

When Liara goes to work in the morning, Shepard will have to look after this thing all by herself.

She can’t breathe. Trying to suck in air, she finds she cannot. She puts a hand to her chest.

“Shepard, are you alright?”

Her head feels light. “Fine,” she manages to choke out. She puts a hand out to steady herself. She has to get away from the cat.

“What are you doing?” Liara asks, her voice becoming panicked as Shepard stands, swaying a little on the spot.

Shepard dashes into the bathroom, just managing to close the door. She sits with her back to the door, using herself as a barricade so Liara can’t get in.

“Shepard!”

There are thumps on the door as Liara pounds it with her fist. The thumps vibrate down her spine.

Shepard cradles her head in her hands. Her vision is going black around the edges. Tunnel vision. She shuts her eyes.

What if it dies and it’s all her fault?

The door behind her gives a massive shudder. She scrambles away from it as Liara rips it from its frame. She glows a brilliant blue, her face a snarl. She throws the door into the wall beside her, where it crashes into the plaster, leaving a gash in the wall.

Shepard crouches in the middle of the bathroom floor, wishing her heart would stop beating so fast.

Liara rushes to her side, hugging her with all her strength. “Shepard,” she breathes into her ear. “Don’t do that again.”

Placing an arm around Liara, Shepard leans her head on Liara’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.” She’s shaking. Her palms are sweating.

“I should be the one apologising. I knew you didn’t like animals.” She helps Shepard to her feet and they go back into the lounge. The kitten is back in its box. 

Shepard lets herself be led to the couch. Liara goes to get a glass of water for her. When she comes back, she sits beside Shepard, not quite touching her.

“It’s not that I don’t like them.” Shepard takes a drink. “I just ... can’t look after things very well. I killed my hamster.”

“I should have thought this through. It was supposed to be a surprise.”

“Well, it was a surprise.” Shepard tries to grin at her.

Liara takes her hand. “The pyjaks should have given me a hint.”

Shepard thinks for a moment. “You weren’t on Tuchanka with us the first time. How did you know about that?”

“Don’t you remember? We had to recover a data module from one of them. You ran one over.”

Shepard laughs. “I did not! Not on purpose. The thing crawled under the tyres before I’d noticed. Besides, have you ever had to drive the Mako? It’s impossible.”

“You would never let me drive.”

There is a meow from the box and both their heads swivel to face it. Liara looks back at Shepard, trying to find out from her expression what she’s thinking.

The meow sounds again. Liara goes to the cat and gives it a bowl of water. “I didn’t have time to pick up some food. I’ll go out and get some.”

Shepard puts her own glass down onto the table in front of the couch. “I can go get it.” She hasn’t been outside in about a week. She’s not supposed to go out a lot but she’s not under house arrest. She’s awaiting her trial but nothing is very official, everyone is concentrating on rebuilding and trying to get everything into some semblance of order.

“Are you sure?” Liara can’t quite look at her. “I’m sorry I didn’t discuss this with you beforehand.”

“Liara, I’m fine. It’s fine. I appreciate it, really.” She cringes. She knows she’s not good with words. She kisses Liara on the cheek and picks up her wallet from the bench beside the door. “I’ll be back soon.”

She hates shopping. There are so many people about, all the time. Buying things they don’t need and talking loudly, talking about her, looking at her. Sometimes people come up and want signatures, photos. Sometimes people want to yell at her. She doesn’t tell Liara about any of these things, she doesn’t want to worry her.

She reaches the aisle with the cat food. There are so many different types. What does she need? Dry or wet? She knows she should get the ‘kitten’ food rather than ‘adult cat’, at least.

There’s a pair of men standing not too far away from her, trying not to let her see them looking at her. They’re whispering something to each other. She doesn’t look at them. Her back still feels too light without her guns strapped to them. Whilst she knows hand to hand combat, she hasn’t been practising and has lost too much weight to take on anyone larger than her, let alone two people.

She grabs some dry kitten food and walks briskly to the counter. 

The walk home is not far, she’s thankful. When she gets home, Liara is playing with the kitten and one of Shepard’s socks. She laughs as the kitten sinks his claws into the cloth and tries to kick with its back paws. They both turn to Shepard when she walks through the door.

“Got the food,” she says, trying to sound cheerful as she holds up the bag. She shakes it and the kitten meows, waddling up to her. It climbs over her shoes.

She freezes, the muscles in her legs tensing. _Don’t move_ , she tells herself. 

Liara picks up the kitten. “Thank you.”

“I think I got the right one. I didn’t know there were so many.”

Once the food is in its bowl, the kitten immediately begins to eat it as loudly as possible. It rests both its front paws on the rim, constantly threatening to tip it over completely.

“We’ll have to leave him in the laundry or the bathroom overnight and put some paper down, I forgot about a litter box.”

Shepard wrinkles her nose. She’s going to have clean up after the thing. 

“The bathroom will be easier to clean.”

“Have you thought of a name, yet?”

Shepard shakes her head.

“Do you want me to take him back?”

It would be easier, certainly. If there is no kitten, Shepard doesn’t have to worry about killing it. She can go back to wasting her days doing nothing with no responsibility and the endless stretches of time that constitute days. It’s not exactly enjoyable but she’s not disappointing anyone except herself.

But this is something Liara wants. It -- he -- made her laugh, something that is becoming rarer. She got this kitten for to help Shepard; she thinks it will work.

“No. Let’s keep him.”

She watches the kitten, almost tipping the bowl over. She hopes she's made the right decision.


	3. Chapter 3

She wakes and the kitten is sleeping on Liara’s pillow. It opens its eyes as she stirs and yawns. Immediately, a fishy smell attacks Shepard’s nose and she sits up to get away from it, waving a hand in front of her face as she does so. The kitten stretches, yawning again, and bounds onto her lap. Shepard freezes and puts her hands in the air, hovering somewhere in line with her shoulders.

Liara had taken two days off work to help her deal with the animal. She had wanted to take off more, but Shepard had insisted. It was mostly fine when Liara was here, it preferred her and almost completely ignored Shepard. But now there is no one but Shepard to pay attention to.

It kneads her legs with its tiny claws and Shepard cries out as it settles itself into a ball and falls asleep again.

Shepard stares at it. She can’t move now. What is she supposed to do? Taking in a huge lungful of air, she tells herself to get a grip on the situation. She’s saved the galaxy more than once. She is a war hero. She has saved millions of people. She can do this.

She prods the kitten’s back with a finger and the muscles along its spine twitch and she gasps. Has she hurt it? But no, it doesn’t stir from its sleep at all and she takes another deep breath to try and steady herself.

Hunger pangs begin in her stomach and she realises she has to go to the toilet.

“Kitten?” 

She shuffles her legs a little to test if she can somehow slide out from under the animal. She should probably give it a name. She’d tried to get Liara to do it but Liara had wanted her to. Shepard had enough trouble referring to it as a ‘he’; at this rate it would never have a name.

She shuffles her legs out a bit and the kitten lifts its head. Shepard’s palms begin to sweat as it looks up at her with its huge eyes. It stretches and jumps off her and walks out the bedroom door, mewing as it goes.

Shepard sighs and walks to the toilet. As she washes her hands, there is a huge crashing sound in the kitchen. Her hand immediately reaches for the gun strapped to her back. Her fingers scrabble against the flimsy material of her singlet and she remembers there is no gun to reach for.

She breathes through her mouth, not making any sound and listens through the bathroom door that was only reinstalled last night.

There aren’t any sounds she can hear that appear out of the ordinary. Was she being burgled?

She can’t use anything in here as a weapon, unless Liara’s hidden a pistol in the cupboard behind the mirror. When Shepard opens the cupboard, all she sees is toothpaste and the like, nothing of any use ... except the eucalyptus oil. Just opening the bottle was enough to cause a little discomfort to her eyes. If she threw it in someone’s face it could create enough of a distraction and then she could take them down with a few quick punches.

She needs to work out. Her body is weak and every time she tries to use her biotics they fail, but she suspects the latter has nothing to do with her fitness.

Armed with the bottle of eucalyptus oil, Shepard opens the door slowly, creating a small gap. She peeks out but can’t see anything. Edging out of the bathroom, she keeps her back to the wall, all the while listening out for anything.

She reaches the kitchen and sees the dishes that were drying on the sink are now smashed against the floor.

Something brushes past her leg and she jumps, yelping once as she looks for what it was.

The ball of grey fur mews up at her and Shepard’s eyes narrow as her eyebrows draw together.

“Idiot,” she says and sets the bottle of oil down on the bench. Using some napkins, she wraps up the broken china and puts it in the bin. She’ll sweep up the shards later; her eyelids are growing heavy.

The kitten mews.

“Shit!” 

Shepard snatches the creature up and out of the midst of the smaller pieces of china. Something might be stuck in one of its paws.

As the kitten wriggles in her grasp, she realises what she’s doing and immediately is aware of how she can feel its tiny bones under its skin. Is she holding it right? How did Liara do it? Sort of closer to her chest, she remembers. She brings the kitten in closer and it reaches up a paw, whacking her chin with the claws extended.

“Hey!” Shepard holds the kitten at arm’s length. “Don’t do that. I need to check your paws.”

The kitten wriggles more and meows at her. She wants to tighten her grip, just to stop it moving but if she holds it any tighter its fragile bones might break.

It’s wriggling too much for her to successfully check if there’s any glass in its pads so, when she sees no blood, she bends down and places it gently on the floor of the lounge room.

“Stay there.” She points in what she hopes is a commanding manner.

It cocks its head to the side, then runs up to her and tries to claw its way its way up her bare leg. Its claws are like needles and leave red, itchy trails on her skin. 

“Alright, that’s it.”

She picks up the kitten and holds it away from her. The litter and its food and water are all in the laundry, and the laundry conveniently has its own door. Shutting the furball inside, Shepard leans back on the door and sighs in relief.

Her stomach growls at her at her, so she cleans up the kitchen and makes herself breakfast. At the table, she checks her mail for anything interesting. There are a few dozen new emails, some from the military giving her information regarding her trial, some from people she helped out in one way or another.

But there is one that keeps her attention long enough for her to read the whole letter, a message from Garrus. A reply to one of her messages almost three months ago.

_Shepard, sorry for the delay. Palaven is still a mess, it’s hard to find time for yourself. But I’m sure that Earth is much the same._

The message isn’t long, but he lists what he’s been trying to do, everything with a bitter edge. He mentions his sister, she’s alive. Nothing has been found regarding his father, though, and he doesn’t think he’s still alive. She can hear his voice as she reads and it’s this that she misses more than anything, the crew of her ship. Especially Garrus, her best friend.

A meow starts up from the laundry. She tries to ignore it but the cat keeps going. Gritting her teeth, she types out a reply to Garrus, making herself seem happier than she is. She assures him he is indeed sleeping regularly and she’s been leaving the house.

After she hits send, she reads through the news. There’s a few articles about her and she frowns as she clicks on the first article. It’s damning her for the destruction of places she barely knows exist, of how she could have saved them and didn’t.

She doesn’t feel anything except a vague numbness as she reads the words. She saved as many as she could. That’s a lie, she could have saved more, but she has to tell herself that she did her best because otherwise everything was a waste and that is something cannot face.

It’s only at the end of the third article she understands why they’re attacking her, why anyone cares all of a sudden. There’s a charity ball in a week’s time and everyone is wondering what Shepard is going to do. Will she go? Will she donate? How much?

The kitten’s meowing increase in volume and Shepard groans. How can such a tiny thing make so much noise?

Shepard throws her datapad to the other side of the couch. So. A ball. They still have balls. What happens at a ball? And why has no one told her?

Maybe there was a message somewhere along the line that she ignored. 

There’s the sound of keys in the door and Liara appears. Shepard gets up from the couch and greets her wife. Liara puts her keys on the hook and lets her bag fall to the floor.

“How was your day?” Liara says.

The kitten mews.

Liara raises an eyebrow.

“He’s in the laundry. He’s fine, there’s food in there,” Shepard says, consciously forcing herself not to wring her hands. “I just needed ... a break, I guess. Liara, I--”

“I should have stayed.” Liara frowns. “Shepard, Jane, are you alright?” She takes a hold of her hand.

“Liara, I’m fine. I promise.”

Liara searches Shepard’s face and, after a few moments, blinks and looks away. “I thought this would help you.”

“It is helping,” Shepard says, squeezing Liara’s hand. “It is.”

“Why are you lying to me?” Liara says and Shepard is alarmed that there are tears forming in Liara’s eyes.

“Liara, I,” Shepard begins, then realises she doesn’t have any words. 

“I shouldn’t have taken the job,” Liara says. “Shepard, I won’t go any more.”

Shepard shakes her head. “You’d be bored in a second, with a mind like yours.”

“But what about you? You’re here every day, you never go anywhere, you--”

Shepard pulls her into a hug, gripping her firmly to herself, needing her to be close. Liara’s arms encircle her and they stay there for a few moments, breathing in each other.

The kitten’s mews increase in volume again and Shepard laughs, the sound muffled by Liara’s jacket.

“Maybe we could get a babysitter for him,” Shepard says as they break apart.

Liara smiles and wipes away a tear from her cheek.

“He’s going to get louder if we don’t give him attention,” Liara says, and she stars down the hall. Shepard follows her.

“Don’t leave me with it,” Shepard says, wishing she could take the words back.

Liara opens the door and gets out the kitten, holding him in her grasp. “I won’t, I promise.”

“But don’t quit your job.”

“Why not?”

“You like it. It makes you happy.”

Liara pets the top of the kitten’s head. She sighs. “You’re right, Shepard.”

Back in the lounge, Shepard moves her datapad before she sits down on the couch. “Liara, did you hear about the charity ball next week?”

Liara, now sitting on the couch, nods slowly before turning her gaze to the kitten in her lap. “We received the invitation a while ago.”

“Why didn’t you show me?”

“I wasn’t sure if you wanted to go.”

“Do you?”

Liara hesitates. “I don’t know. There will be a lot of people there; not all of them will like you.”

“Not everyone likes me, I know that.”

“Some may be more ... vocal in their opinions than others.”

“Do you want to go?”

Liara looks at her. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it matters. Do you want to go?”

“Everyone will be there. Well, not everyone. Your human crew.”

There’s an ache in Shepard’s gut. James would be starting his N7 training, she could check up on him. What ship would Chakwas be stationed on, now? And Ashley, what’s she doing? Joker and EDI might even make an appearance.

“We could go,” Shepard says. “You want to go.”

“Shepard, I don’t know.” 

The kitten jumps from her lap and Shepard flinches.

“Shepard, you can’t even handle a kitten. There will be reporters there.”

“I can handle people.”

“Is that why you don’t go outside?” Liara bites her lip as soon as she finishes speaking.

Shepard looks away from her.

“Jane.” Liara reaches for her hand and their fingers weave together.

“I want to go. Just for a little while. Maybe seeing everyone will help.”

“Maybe we should ask someone. What about your psychiatrist?”

“I stopped seeing her for a reason. I don’t want to be drugged, even if it does help me sleep. I want to remember everything.”

Liara sighs and she sounds old. Shepard forgets just how old Liara is, she’s triple the age of Shepard herself.

“I do want to go,” Shepard says. “Even just for a little while. Then we can go home.”

The kitten jumps onto Shepard’s lap and Shepard startles but doesn’t move, keeping her arms pinned down at her side. She reaches out a tentative hand at strokes the kitten’s fur once, the sweat forming in her palm making the car’s fur stick to her skin.

“See? I can do it.”

Liara looks at her, frowning.

“We could try,” Shepard says. “Please.”

“Okay.”


End file.
